She spends the whole movie trying, vocally, to fight stereotypes about female-identified emoji, like telling her male peers that lady emoji can be more than just “a princess or a bride” and that, no, just because she’s a princess birds don’t magically appear when she whistles. It plays Pitbull’s “Fireball” (because the words sound … alike?).įeminism: Without giving a whole lot away - actually, I’m about to ruin an already terrible movie for you - the mysterious female lead, a blue-haired hacker named Jailbreak, turns out to be a princess emoji in disguise. The Firewall: Quite literally, a flaming wall of binary code. Groan-inducing gags included an emoticon - the granddaddy of emoji - yelling “my colon,” and the poop emoji (Sir Patrick Stewart) punching a pedestal fan. If you were hoping for one of those the kids will laugh and their parents will laugh, too, for vastly different reasons sort of children’s flicks, you are going to be sorely disappointed. Do you remember when the eagles showed up at the end of Return of the King? Imagine the worst possible version of that.ĭad Jokes: The humor in this movie is … not good. Twitter: The climax of the film sees our heroes calling on the Twitter bird to fly them back home so they can save their digital civilization. YouTube: YouTube, as per The Emoji Movie, is basically just the “ Pen Pineapple Apple Pen” video and that one with the surprised kitten being tickled. Just Dance: Featuring a cameo from one Christina Aguilera, the emoji must dance their way out of this app, while being chased by antivirus bots shooting laser guns. Two emoji who are on the brink of divorce - yes, emoji divorce - reconcile in front of the Eiffel Tower. ![]() Instagram: During their quest to reach “the cloud,” our emoji take a little pit stop in Instagram, which is basically just a singular photo from a family trip to Paris. This is all you need to know.ĭropbox: In a deal that I’m guessing cost eight figures, our protagonists spend much of the film traversing the smartphone to get to Dropbox, the remote storage service, in order to get off the phone and access the cloud. Spotify: Music is represented in literal streams that the emoji float down in a boat. You’d be hard-pressed to find a more transparent attempt to pander to the Chinese film market this year.Ĭandy Crush: I blacked out for this portion of the movie after realizing we were about to watch a game of Candy Crush played out in real time on the big screen. WeChat: For the first stop on their grand app tour, Meh and his friends pop into WeChat, the megapopular Chinese app that nobody uses in the United States. There are approximately 1 billion of these. ![]() (Spoilers, if for some reason you really care.) Our colleague Emily Yoshida calls it “one of the darkest, most dismaying films I have ever seen,” a sentiment with which we concur: We groaned, scoffed, and rolled our eyes nonstop throughout the film, and the following is a list of everything that made us question not only the filmic arts, the tech industry, and capitalism as an economic system, but also whether man’s ability to harness the power of electricity was itself an enormous mistake. ![]() ![]() On Wednesday, because our jobs as panhandlers at “the intersection of tech and culture” demand it, we went to see The Emoji Movie, which is a film about the Unicode characters that live in your phone.
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